Midtown Spa by Joshua Skye

Hallucinogens Don't Even Cover It
**beware the spoilers**

If you take peyote, acid, LSD, PCP, methamphetamine, and mix them all together maybe you'll come close to knowing what it feels like to read this story.

Midtown Spa is a seedy sex club that masquerades as an exclusive gym. Actually, let's rewind for a second. Midtown Spa is beyond seedy. It's damp and dark, the air is moist and smells like semen, and it sounds like the slimiest place in all the world. Literally...because there's a lot of unprotected public sex and orgies going on in Midtown Spa. Cum and other bodily fluids flying everywhere, bacteria and who knows what flourishing in that hothouse of a sex club. The place probably has a million new STDs brewing in it. Chlamydia and Syphilis had a baby in Midtown and named it Syphidia. Way to glorify unprotected sex.

In any case, our fearless narrator is in Midtown for the first time and he's hungry for some of that down-and-dirty anonymous loving. Why do I say he's fearless? Because he takes off his shoes and goes barefoot in the showers. You know a scene is set up wrong when the reader is going "NO!! Put your shoes back on!" instead of saying "Oh, yeah! Some raunchy sex coming up!".

So, the narrator sees a hot a guy and soon they're going at it down on the shower floor. The mood is broken though when a morbidly obese man tries to insert himself into the scene. Our lovers shun him and make their way to a private room.

Here is where the story took a turn that made me wonder if drugs were being pumped in through my apartment vents. When the sex is done our narrator is left in the room on his own. What does he do? Oh, he lights a cigarette, checks out his asshole in the mirror- What? Oh, yeah, he checks out his asshole. He thinks it's funny. Funny haha. No, It's not really funny haha, dude. It's funny weird, or just plain weird. Yeah, just plain weird.

But it gets worse because who's that at the door? Oh, Mr. Morbidly Obese...who is a demon. Wait. Okay, I just read it again, Mr. Morbidly Obese is definitely a demon. And now I know how to vanquish a demon. Do you want to know the secret? I'll tell you how. Stick a lit cigarette in its eye because demons, who come from HELL, cannot take the pain of burning. They're from HELL!! The one thing about Hell? There's FIRE there and it BURNS! The fires of Hell burn hotter than the cherry on your Marlboro cigarette. I'm pretty sure of that.

This story was so. Freaking. Crazy. I didn't know how to say how crazy without the spoilers but I warned you about the spoilers. And now I've warned you about this story in general. My job is done.