J.C. Lillis and her Boys Have Come to The LL's Word for a Visit...

Last month when I had just gotten back from my yearly week ManLove Worship aka GayRomLit I was looking for something awesome to read and I stumbled upon this self-published book with an adorable cover, a bit of a funny title and a pretty wacky blurb. No one else on Goodreads had read it but I thought "what the hell, I'm an adventurous reader and the self-pubs have done me right this year",  so I started to read and...POW POW POW!!! I was HOOKED. I didn't blink for the next 18 hours, because How To Repair a Mechanical Heart hijacked my brains!! 

Without questions this book has been my finest discovery this year, I pimped the crap out of it as soon as I finished reading it, and I only wish I could have a super power like hypnotism or mind control so I could MAKE everyone read it...So given my *ahem* enthusiasm for this gem of a book the very kind and incredibly talented J.C. Lillis author of HTPaMH has not only agreed to grace us with a visit at the LL's Words, but she's gone on Skype and gotten us some facetiming with the boys...YES!!!! ABANDON IN DA HOUSE BABY!! 

Brandon and Abel my favorite thing next to a nice chilled glass of Sauvignon Blanc (and those who know me personally understand the weight behind that statement) have also spent some time with us and have indulged us answering all our questions. We could not be more excited to share this with you, Those who have read HTRaMH like Laddie and I, and are now desperate fangirls or fanboys of Team ABANDON enjoy!!  Those of you who have not, sit back grab a straw and start chugging on this koolaid baby! You can thank us later.

The Interview:

JC Lillis

LL: So we absolutely loved HTRaMH, Brandon and Abel were so incredibly layered and wonderful. Were you inspired by any particular fandom to write them and if so, which of all the fandom boys inspired Brandon and Abel?

JC: First of all, thank you so much. I’m blown away by the nice comments about the book, and you guys were the first to notice it and get the ball rolling. I’m so grateful! (I’d promise you my firstborn, but she’s five already and highly suspicious of strangers.)

So as far as inspiration: I’m a serial fangirl, so I’ve been following one fandom or another pretty much my whole life. The idea behind HTRaMH came from my general fascination with the drama surrounding real-person fic—not only the controversy it causes within fandoms, but also its potential effect on the people being shipped. I mean, if you’re a seasoned entertainer, you probably expect stuff like that and laugh it off. But how weird would it be to go on a reality show as a sheltered teen, get famous within weeks, and then find out that people are shipping you with another contestant and writing this eerie fic version of you? How would it affect you psychologically—especially if you actually DID have feelings for the other person?  

I didn’t base Brandon and Abel on anyone in particular, but those were the basic questions I started with. Hearing about the slash fandoms for American Idol got me thinking I’d make the characters reality-TV contestants, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to write a whole book set in that universe. I also knew I wanted both characters to be gay and out, because I didn’t want to do a sad unrequited-love thing or a coming-out story. So I cycled through a bunch of options and then hit on this idea that they’d be heavily involved in fandom themselves, as co-runners of a vlog dedicated to their favorite sci-fi show. (I loved creating the show-within-the-book. Castaway Planet is a weird blend of Lost, Star Trek, and vintage B-movies and I wish it were real so I could ship Cadmus and Sim.) I thought it would be funnier if Brandon and Abel were vocally opposed to slashfic about their TV crushes—the idea of anti-slashers finding themselves slashed was irresistible to me.

LL: Brandon's struggle with his faith was an incredibly raw and touching part of the book. Were you afraid that presenting his inner conflict would turn off readers?

JC: I’m glad you liked that piece of it. Yeah, I definitely knew that was a risky move. I didn’t start planning the story with “unresolved Catholic angst” on the drawing board; it’s something that kept insisting itself as I thought about Brandon and his obsession with a TV android who’s not sure if he wants to be human. And it’s also something that’s very, very close to my heart, because I struggled with Catholicism, sexuality, and belief in God since I was a young teen and only recently made peace with who I am and what I believe. I felt like I could write that aspect of his inner life convincingly—though I’m a girl and my specific experiences have obviously been different.

The big challenge was working that aspect into a book that’s basically a romcom for fandom geeks. I was concerned that it would overwhelm the narrative. A lot of Brandon’s inner conflict mirrors my own (the superstitious thoughts, the memories of things he’d heard at church and at home), and in my experience, that can be a pretty consuming thing when you’re 18 and desperately trying to figure yourself out. I kept an eye on it, toned it down a little as I edited, and tried to weave it into the plot in logical places so it didn’t bog the whole story down or overshadow the humor.

I don’t regret addressing Brandon’s difficulties with faith. It’s something that lots of young people struggle with—often in silence, because they’re afraid of upsetting or alienating their families. It took me an embarrassingly long time to get comfortable with the fact that I didn’t believe certain things I was taught in school and church, and I would’ve loved to read a book like HTRaMH as a younger person. I would’ve felt less alone, I think.

LL: ABANDON That word kind of embodies most of the themes of this book. Brandon's summer to get away from all the guilt in his home life, for Abel to finally to try and catch Brandon, of the freedom that an internet identity gives people, how the anonymity allows for so much to the point of recklessness and cruelty, of letting go of ideals and paradigms that we build from characters/actors we fall in love with. This story holds so much, so many layers. Can you tell us a bit about how you weaved it together?

JC: Wow, thanks—that’s like a huge compliment in question form! Well, I try not to be too conscious of theme the whole time I’m writing, because I don’t want to wallop readers too hard with it. I came up with the ABANDON portmanteau pretty early in the process as I was thinking up good names for my characters, and it did seem like a word that hummed with all kinds of possibilities. I liked that “abandon” can mean embracing freedom or leaving something behind, because Brandon has to do both before he can make a go of it with Abel. But I didn’t think too hard about making all the other elements align with the theme. I just developed the characters, nailed down the basic story arc, and hitched a ride on the RV to see where we were going.

It was really tough sometimes. When I came up with the structure—six sci-fi conventions over six weeks—I thought “oh, I have a roadmap to follow; maybe this’ll be easy to write.” But SO MUCH happens on a six-week road trip, and I agonized over what to show and not show. I ended up with reams of deleted scenes. My number-one priority was to keep the book as fast-paced and funny as possible, while still developing Brandon’s inner conflict in a way that didn’t feel cartoonish or over-the-top. Plus I had to figure out which cast member they’d meet at which tour stop, when to start dropping hints about the secret Abandon fan community, how fast things should evolve between Brandon and Abel, what Bec’s involvement would be, etc. It got so tricky that I actually had to walk away a few times, not sure if I’d ever finish. I’m glad I did, and I’m REALLY glad fellow fandom geeks have been slowly discovering and enjoying it. That makes it all worth it. My laptop’s even forgiven me for all the times I cursed it out at one a.m.

LL: After that WHOPPER of a question we just want to know, who is your fave fanfic writer? Or at least the fandom.

JC: Oh, wow. . .I’m probably going to date myself with this answer, because I don’t read as much fic as I used to. I used to read tons of X-Files fic, some Star Trek (TNG and Voyager; I wasn’t really an original-series fan). The only fandom I ever wrote for was Carnivale, that HBO show that lasted for a couple weird seasons in 2003-2005. My good friend and I wrote like 10 or 11 songs for Carnivale: The Musical!, which was incredibly fun. I was also involved in a small Yahoo community of fic writers/artists at the time, and this girl who went by Vorona wrote great fanfic. I was shy about fandom back then and went by a pseudonym, so I never got to know her personally, but I still think about her sometimes.

I’ve also read some fics in the Game of Thrones fandom that I’ve enjoyed as much as the actual books. I probably shouldn’t say that, right? I hear George R.R. Martin hates fanfic. I guess I understand the impulse to “protect” your characters on some level, but in my gut I just find it so weird when authors lay the smackdown on fic writers. I actually wrote the showrunner’s rant in HTRAMH as a response to writers who don’t want anyone else playing with their creations. I really do believe that when you put characters out into the world, you give joint custody to your readers. If they want to take them out for a wild weekend, that’s their right, and also THE BEST POSSIBLE compliment to you as a writer. Seriously, if real Brandon/Abel fic ever popped up somewhere, it would make my life. Celebratory snickerdoodles would definitely be baked.  

 Brandon and Abel

[The boys videoconferenced in from their college dorm rooms—Brandon from Loyola Maryland, Abel from Temple. Abel’s wearing his puffy red vest; Brandon’s got on a new Castaway Planet t-shirt.]

ABEL: Bran? You there?

BRANDON: Yep. Hiya.

ABEL: Aww, look at your desk! You’ve got like eighteen books with a thousand Post-Its. You’re such a nerdling.

BRANDON: It’s a ruse. I’m at Swallow at the Hollow every night. Are those cinnamon jelly beans?

ABEL: Drive up here and you can have some. [Grins, chomps a handful.] ‘Kay, so before we start, I would just like to point out that Bran has finally FINALLY pitched that baggy-ass Castaway Planet shirt and replaced it with an elegant slim-fit version courtesy of his sweet and thoughtful boyfriend.

BRANDON: My biceps look glorious. I’m told.

ABEL: AMEN.

BRANDON: You have our friends?

ABEL: I do indeed. [Fishes Plastic Sim and Plastic Cadmus out of his vest pocket, where they’d been spooning. Stands the action figures on his freshman Media & Cultural Studies textbook.]  Okay, ladies: we’re ready. Whatcha got for us?

[After some serious crooning and possibly a bit of baby talk to express our delight to see our most favest boys and we are ready for our questions]

 LL: So, we know that Brandon had a favorite Abandon fic but, Abel, what was your favorite Abandon story and why?

BRANDON: Oh God.

ABEL: What?

BRANDON: Don’t even say what I think you’re going to say.

ABEL: I don’t—

BRANDON: [whispering] The steampunk AU?

ABEL: Wha—no! That one’s just ours. Guys, he’s a tiny bit shy because we read this amazing steampunk fic right before we—

BRANDON: PLEASE STOP TALKING.

ABEL: Sorry! Sorry, sorry. Okay, so all joking aside, I think I’ll have to go wiiiiiiiiith. . .a retro robot fic.

BRANDON: Really?

ABEL: That’s good stuff, Bran.

BRANDON: Not the one where we’re nineteenth-century vampire hunters.

ABEL: Nope. The one where we’re cowboy vampire hunters.

BRANDON: I’m incredibly glad I missed that.

ABEL: Shush. It is stunning.

BRANDON: So are we hunting cowboy vampires, or cowboys who also happen to hunt vampires?

ABEL: The latter. We’re herding sheep in Wyoming, see, and one bright summer morning we wake up in each other’s arms and all the livestock’s been exsanguinated.  So we arm ourselves with silver stakes and tromp off into the woods that night—

BRANDON: Does this end with us getting stuck in an elevator?

ABEL: No, but you kick some vampire ass and it’s SUPER dreamy.

[We struggle to regain control after this display of adorableness and move on to Q #2]

LL: Now that you two are together and Abandon had a bit of a hand in it do you think you'll ever find a way to get along with those crazy Cadsim shippers? Not their leader but some of those girls have to be okay, huh?

ABEL: Well, ACTUALLY. . .should we spill about the drama in the Cadsim comm?

BRANDON: If I say no, will you do it anyway?

ABEL: Of course. Miss Maxima’s out. Dethroned. willabelle’s the mod now.

BRANDON: No one cares.

ABEL: Well they should, because it was the most FLAWLESSLY entertaining piece of Internet theatre I’ve witnessed since the Abandon community melted down. Apparently Miss Max banned cavegrrl94 from the comm and then got in this epic dustup with mrs.j.cadmus about it, so mrs.j.cadmus got all her friends to post SCATHING reviews of Maxie’s new “Android Immortal” trilogy, and then when Miss Max found out—you know that scene in Ghost Rider where Nicolas Cage’s entire face bursts into flames? Like that.

BRANDON: And then. . .mistakes were made.

ABEL: Meaning Miss Maxima posted five grody photos of mrs.j.cadmus at CastieCon, getting it on with some old dude in assless chaps and a tinfoil Xaarg hat.

BRANDON: Long story short. . .

ABEL: Miss Max’s reign of terror hath endeth. Willabelle’s cool. We’re five episodes into the new Castaway Planet season and things’ve stayed pretty chill. We visit their fanjournal a couple times a week. They’ve got a handful of new fic writers who are definitely a cut above.

BRANDON: “Replacement Parts”?

ABEL: LOVE that fic. It’s hurt/comfort but you don’t feel grimy reading it. Seriously, when Sim told Cadmus “Perhaps you should stop treating love as I treat a malfunction, Captain”? I teared up.

BRANDON: You’re so easy.

LL: There's something wonderfully fantastic about being a geek among geeks. Are there any more Castie-Cons in your future?

ABEL: YES. Definitely!

BRANDON: If.

ABEL: No ifs. CastieCon 1 is in Atlanta next summer; we’re totally taking the RV.

BRANDON: Dad’s selling it.

ABEL: He’s been saying that for six months. If he sells it, I WILL BUY IT.

BRANDON: Aww. You’re cute when you’re impractical.

ABEL: We’ve even got a place to stay. Dave lives 20 miles outside the city. I mean, he and Bec broke up like two months ago but they’re staying friends.

BRANDON: She’s mad at him now.

ABEL: No! Why?

BRANDON: She said purity balls were creepy and he called her narrow-minded.

ABEL: I will call that boy later.

LL: Abel, we know you got some kick-ass snakeskin boots and a jacket on your roadtrip as well as some other awesome knick knacks. What is your favorite thing of all the stuff you picked up on the trip?

ABEL: Can I tell them about the bracelet?

BRANDON: Aw, crap.

ABEL: Pleeeeaaaase?

BRANDON: Let me tell it, because you’ll get all melty. We were in this thrift store in Phoenix and I saw this ID bracelet, like the kind he gave that guy Jonathan—

ABEL: Who completely smashed my heart.

BRANDON: —and so I bought it while he wasn’t looking and held onto it, and then after all the drama died down later on, I. . . [Blushes, mumbles into hand] . . .got it engraved.

ABEL: “TEAM ABANDON.” [Flicks Plastic Sim and Plastic Cadmus; they topple over and clatter to the floor.] That was supposed to be a dual swoon, sorry.

LL: You've met all of the major players on Castaway Planet and some of them weren't what you were expecting. Now that you've gotten a glimpse of who they are in their everyday lives do you have new favorite characters or are you sticking with Cadmus and Sim?

 ABEL: Well, I have to say that Bree LaRue is like 41% more interesting since she chopped all her hair off and went batshit. They wrote it into the show this season, have you seen it? Her character gets possessed by one of Xaarg’s demons and she’s off in the forest hunting giant alien pig creatures with a nail file.

BRANDON: Whatever. Still Sim and Cadmus for me, all the way.

ABEL: Don’t you hate the whiny streak Cadmus is on this season, though? [holds up Plastic Cadmus] Oh, I’m so emo! No one’s as tormented as I am!

BRANDON: You should totally write some fic about it.

LL: So Brandon have you attempted to write more of your own fanfic or have you left that to the shippers?

ABEL: Oh, we write our own fanfic every day. . .

BRANDON: Will you quit it? Nah, I can’t really bring myself to do it. Once the new season started I actually tried to write a Cadsim fic but I’d get three sentences in and then just pound the delete button. I’ll leave the fic to the experts.

LL: And FINALLY...you know we HAD to ask this! Are you guys going to keep dating now that you are in different colleges?

ABEL: Oh, we tried, but then Brandon had this torrid fling with his Shakespeare professor, and we broke it off.

BRANDON: I really just wanted someone to read me sonnets.

ABEL: We’re kidding. He’s my boy.

BRANDON: It’s been good.

ABEL: I mean, we’ve had issues—

BRANDON:  Everything’s fine.

ABEL: Except his dad won’t have me over for Thanksgiving.

BRANDON: Mom’s working on him.

ABEL: Whatever. You’ll come to my house for pie, right?

BRANDON: Is “pie” code for something else?

ABEL: Yes, but there will also be actual pie involved.

BRANDON: Cool. Don’t forget those two.

ABEL: These guys? [Holds up Plastic Sim and Plastic Cadmus] They packed their bags yesterday. They can’t wait to see you, Tin Man.

BRANDON: The sentiment is mutual, Captain.

ANNNNDDD that is all from our peeps from How To Repair a Mechanical Heart we hope you loved this visit as much as we did! Our thanks to JC Lillis author extraordinaire and one of our favorite internet ladies. Make sure you stop by her blog to hear about her new projects and news from Brandon and Abel.

Thanks for stopping by!

-LA

Crush by Laura Susan Johnson

More than anything else Tammy and Jamie’s story is about LOVE. 

Made for each other kind of love. Soul mates kind of love. There is no one else for Tammy than Jamie and Jamie only ever knew to love Tammy. That is the heart of this book.

Their story is a HARD story to read, because the road they have to travel is so riddled with pain and hurt. Evil things are done to these two people. As boys they are hurt. The unthinkable, the unforgivable, the WORST evil is done to them as children. At times it seems like it’s too much. It’s worth reading though. IT REALLY IS.

This was a WHOLE lot of book, so it’s difficult to describe it without either making it sound scary or being so vague it might make seem a lot less profound and moving than it was.

This book will touch you to the core, it will break your heart, it will make you question how it is that there is evil in this world that could break down lives…It will make you ask how is this possible? It will also make you look at yourself and say what do I do to make the world a better place? What do I do to propagate love and hope to those who need it? It will make you rejoice in the resilience of people and the healing power of love and forgiveness…In the end this book left me with the realization that pure Evil just like pure Goodness are things that cannot be explained they just ARE. Some can grow up in a loving home and still be able to harbor hatefulness in their heart, can still be capable of doing awful things. But others they can grow up in hell, be hurt and broken and walk away harried but with a heart still full of love and goodness, and live their life doing what’s right.

Tammy and Jamie were made for each other. As little children they met fleetingly and that one meeting was branded in their memories. So they tell us their story from high school until the present day. Alternatively Tammy and Jamie walk us through the road they have travelled and how they have gotten to the place that they are.

Jamie and Tammy are brought together again as teenagers. They live in small town in Northern California. Tammy is a local boy, a jock, a bit of a player. He’s a bit of an angry kid. Things have happened in his life that have made him closed off. All he cares about is chasing women, getting laid, and doing what he has to do to get out of Somerville. He has plans to be the next Walter Cronkite.

Jamie comes to Somerville after being adopted by a police officer who rescues Jamie from a horrific situation. Horrific does not even begin to describe what Jamie childhood was. So he’s a fragile boy with lots of dark memories and a trauma that makes him shy and vulnerable.

So they meet again at church and from the moment they touch it is clear that they is a special bond between them. But they are young and the hatefulness and prejudices that live in their town keep them apart. They are so in love with each other. SO IN LOVE, but it’s not possible then Tammy is not brave enough…So they lose a lot of time. Tammy goes away from Somerville to make a life and Jamie sticks around and makes his there with his adopted father and his best friend.

However life brings them back together, because they ARE meant to be together, their love is like an ABSOLUTE there is no alternative but to be each others. It’s a STRONG love , it's MIRACULOUS because the tests that these men are faced with, the pain, the horrible things that happen to them are not easy to live through. They survive though, and their love is only made stronger. In the end they win because they get the life that they always wanted. But even with that it is just amazing to read about them loving each other, with their words, with their bodies, with EVERYTHING.

Like I said at the beginning this is a hard book to read, evil like that it’s hard even to think that it can be possible for people to do such things, but it is also such wonderful a story of grace, resilience, hope, strength, faith, forgiveness, justice, patience…So many things.

God is a big theme in this book which surprised me, but also made thoughtful, because God really is a different God for each person depending of what is in their hearts. For some God is about hate and guilt and prejudice and for others he’s about grace and love about acceptance and kindness…Bottomline this is a story that is completely worth reading.

Tammy and Jamie you will get to know them so deeply, so intensely you will feel like you can read their minds and sense their hurt and feel their joy. They’ll get under your skin and you will LOVE them. You will cheer for their victories, and cry with them in their hurt. The people around them, the good ones and the bad ones you will see them clearly. You’ll love the ones that are good, you will learn to forgive their mistakes and you will even be able to move on from the hatefulness of the ones who hurt Tammy and Jamie.

I feel like I just ran an emotional marathon, but IT WAS COMPLETELY WORTH IT.

TOTALLY LOVED THIS BOOK. TOTALLY RECOMMEND IT.

Crush is for sale at Amazon.com

On other news!!! Very soon we will have a visit from JC Lillis and Brandon and Abel from How to Repair a Mechanical Heart one of the best things that has happened to us this year...We will keep you posted about THE INTERVIEW.

Have a great week everyone!

It's Our Party And We'll Rock If We Want To!

When people think of the GayRomLit Retreat they think of great books, great authors and a chance to talk about a genre that tends to grab hold of readers and never EVER lets go. Us ladies here at The LL Word got all of that and much more when we went to Albuquerque for GRL 2012. The weekend was amazing, not only did it meet our expectations but totally exceeded them. Since LA had gone to the first GRL in New Orleans we were lookin forward the activites, but mostly  we expected it to be a weekend to see friends we don't get to see nearly enough, put faces to the names of people we'd gotten to know online, and connect with new people who we now call friends.

From the first event at the which was the opening ceremony we knew that this year would be something special. After the opening words of the ALWAYS amazing Ethan Day,  JP Bowie another one of the fabulous event organizers stood up and read some touching words regarding the passing of authour William Neale. He later asked  us to take a look around and see our family in that room. This people that we share this enormous passion with were there with us and that is what it felt like... like family. We were in this room because we shared a strong love for stories of men who get to live their happy ending. ALL OF US not just the people we came with, but also those that we added during the weekend even those we didn't get a chance to talk to,or those that we might know online but had differences with...We were there together to celebrate these stories. The entire weeked had an aura,  of acceptance and love and HAVING FUN. There really is nothing like arriving at a place where everyone will just accept you for who you are, no questions, no judgement, so many people during that weekend said to us GRL was their chance to just BE.

                               From the top left: Tina, LA, Cole, Sadonna, Snow
                                                                  and Laddie

                         From the Left: Tina, Cole, Sadonna, Laddie and LA
                    At Club Effex in Albuquerque after seeing "My Big Gay Undead Wedding"

                                          

Thanks to our friend, the awesome and adorable Steph (Snowtulip on Goodreads), we were able to hear about a cabaret show that was being put on by the New Mexico Men's Chorus Group at Club Effex in downtown Albuquerque. The show "My Big Fat Undead Gay Wedding" was a highlight of our weekend.

The show was fantastic and showcased the talent of a group of fabulous Out and Proud gay men from that lovely city. Laddie was especially happy to hear the fantastic performance of "Who Wants To Live Forever" by Queen. Both of us loved the strong and emotional rendition of "Creep" by Radiohead. Bel the video we took of that performance.

                                         

From Left: Ethan Day, LA and Geoff Knight

 Some of the best moments for us were going to the readings of some of our favorites authors like Amy Lane, Ethan Day, and the very animated Jet Mykles. Meeting them was also a great treat. Laura had her fangirl moment when meeting Amy Lane while Laddie just about died when she met AKM Miles. We both got to meet were Aleksandr Voinov (an amazing surprise) who was the sweetest man and Val Kovalin who are way up high on Laddie to-read list and two of Laura's favorite authors.

We also met fellow bloggers like Chris from Stumbling Over Chaos and the LOVELY Julie from Joyfully Jay two fantastic ladies with whom we had some of the most fun moments of the retreat. The authors that we met and LOVED are too many to name so we'll just mention a few...Margarite Labbe, ZA Maxfield, Eric Arvin, TA Chase, KC Burn, Abigail Roux, Kate McMurray, Heidi Cullinan, Marie Sexton, Geoffrey Knight, Isabelle Rowan, Tara Lain...All wonderful and fun. We loved meeting you all.

                         LA and Amy Lane she didn't cry but it was a close call!

One thing that was awesome about GRL was that no matter what differences we may have had with some authors and readers online the aura and attitude of the weekend was completely friendly and welcoming. We really think that says something about the people who love the M/M Romance genre and how amazing they are.

So, where is GRL 2013 happening? Atlanta, Georgia. That's right, Hotlanta baby!! We are looking forward to seeing older friends, newer friends and a whole bunch of amazing authors in the hot, hot south next year. Will you be there? We certainly hope so!

                          From the left: Margarite Labbe, Julie, LA, HC, Gyn and Leigh.

Before ending this post we just want to say how proud we are to belong to this amazing community of people and we COMPLETELY want to express our absulte most heartfelt THANK YOU to the organizers of this event...We could never tell you in enough words what being able to gather with all of our friends means to us. Here's to a year of fabulous books and to talking all about them at GRL 2013!

                 Gyn, Tina, Julie, LA, Leigh and Alexander...Our last night. It was a good one.

-The LLadies

How To Repair A Mechanical Heart by J.C. Lillis

From the first word I fell in love with this book...to the last word I loved this book.

When you read the volumes of books that fans of this genre read in a year, things start muddling together, there are books that you love, and there are books you REALLY love...BLOWN AWAY though that's hard to come by. Happens very rarely...But then there are stories that come out of left field and bitch slap you in the nose and go Hey come here and get to know a little thing called PRIME QUALITY WRITING!!! This was no amateur hour folks, this was serious fucking writing. Like for reals. Best LGBT Young Adult book I've read this year, and in my all time top five. No fooling.

So Brandon is a high school graduate and in the summer off before college, he is setting off on a trip to hit up all the conventions for his favorite show "Starsetter" with his best friend Bec and with his co-vlogger (and the boy he is desperately in love with) Abel. They are GEEKS ,I mean they LIVE for this stuff. The show's main characters the Starsetter's Captain Cadmus, and his android sidekick Sim are like Brandon and Abel's fantasy men, perfect in every way. They know EVERTHING about this show, deconstructing everything that happens is like an obsession, but you know that they hate? They fucking hate that all the slashers have shipped them into some romance...I mean it's RIDICULOUS! The might be gay boys, but they are not about to turn the awesomest duo in television history into a cutesy couple just 'cause! They are awesome supeheroes that are to be worshipped for their awesomeness and not because they might be DOING IT!

So they set off on the tour of conventions to dispel the myth that in the last scene of the last episode of the latest season Cadmus and Sim get together...They challenge the Cadsim slashers that they will put all that shit to rest over the summer. They know they are GEEKY and in Abel's words STONE COLD CRACKERS WITH A SIDE OF CRAZY FRIES...But not EVERYONE is gay. So they must do away with all this Cadsim shippers insanity. 

This feud between Brandon, Abel and the fandom ensues some of the most deliciously AMAZING humor I have read. OMG it was BRILLIANT!!!

There is also the fact that Brandon really is truly in love with Abel (even if Abel has a "boyfriend"), but how he feels is all muddled up with the guilt he carries for being gay. He is out to his family, but they are devout Catholics and even though they want to support him, things are different. They don't want this for him. In their hearts they believe that Brandon is making bad choices, damming choices. He loves his family, and even his family priest who is trying to help him "rectify" his feelings...He is wrecked. Just wrecked and it is messing with his head and his heart...But he wants Abel. He loves him. Abel is like the sun, bright and makes him smile. He's funny and passionate and throws himslef in to everything. Brandon is trying to reconcile the way he is, with what he has been taught about right and wrong...It's hard. It makes him shifty, makes him hurt Abel with his indecision. But he tries to be braver, to move past his guilt, because in his heart and in his brain, he KNOWS that he deserves to be happy...To be happy with a boy. To let himself love a boy that loves him back.

This part the part of Brandon struggling with his faith and what he knows is right for him...it gutwrenching, but DAMN so well done. The author cuts us no slack here and it's FANTASTIC. No 18 year old boy can dismiss years of faith, community, the love of his parents, no matter how much he's into his boyfriend...But Brandon fights it hard, because he knows he deserves happiness.

So in that summer of utter unrepentant geekdom, Brandon and Abel challenge each other, the fandom, see the differnces between the characters they idolize and the actual real and flawed humans who bring them to life, learn about friendship, love, acceptance, patience...FREEDOM...ACCEPTANCE.


This book was such an amazing little thing, it just steamrolled me. First of all the premise of these boys being extreme fans, so devoted. But also having the sense of humor to laugh at themselves for their geekyness was truly delightful, as someone who just got home from a weekend in New Mexico of hanging out with 400 other M/M romance devotees, this book resonated with me COMPLETELY and honestly made me laugh my ass off, because I saw myself and so many of my online friends in this book so many times. It was a fucking DELIGHT. So wonderfully witty. But also with such sobering moments...Brandon and Abel learn about consequences, even by what they say and do online...Are personally affected by the recklessness of what people can carelessly do and say from behing a keyboard...People can act like there is no accountability on the net, like what we say or do is not REAL...It is, it can be. 

The secondary characters in this book were amazing, the online ones, Bec the best friend, the "REAL" people behind the show, even the parents, they were all layered and wonderful

Mostly Brandon and Abel have a wonderful summer...Of love, and friendship, moments of geekful perfection. They grow up a little, a lot actually, they have hard moments, they hurt each other, and they fall in love...And we get to have that summer with them. 

It really is an amazing summer these boys have. I am so FUCKING HAPPY to have found them in the net somewhere, and to have gone on this adventure with them.

I laughed my ass off, cried until I heaved, cringed, nodded along, smiled like a loon, LOVED EVERY SINGLE WORD. PERFECT. 

This book was perfect for me.

JC Lillis wherever you are you just made a COLD STONE CRACKHEAD of a fan out of me. I do hope there is more from you soon.

TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY RECOMMEND THIS BOOK! GO READ IT!

How To Repair a Mechanical Heart is for Sale (for $3.99 which is CRAZY!!!) on Amazon.com

Two Things: A Wonderful Online Series and One of the Most Touching Music Videos I've EVER Seen...

First thing...I've been meaning to write about this show for weeks now, once I realized NONE of my friends knew about it. Including all my gay friends!

Husbands is this sweet little online show. It's a series which so far has 14 (very) shorts episodes about a pair of newlyweds.

Here is the premise...Cheeks, a pretty flamboyant sitcom actor, and Brad, a baseball player for the LA Dodgers have gotten married in Las Vegas. Marriage Equality has finally been legalized in the US, and after only six weeks of dating the pair got a little carried away with their celebrating and wake up hungover and MARRIED...Since the don't want to be BRITNEY...They decide to stay married and see it goes. What ensues is incredibly funny TV, with truly heartwarming and tender moments  and all of this in episodes that range between three to eight minutes in length. All the characters secondary and the two leads are OUTSTANDING and outrageously funny.

The series is co-produced  and co-writte by Brad Bell, the actor that plays Cheeks and Jane Espenson who one of the writers for Buffy the Vampire Slayer. For the Buffy fans, you will get a kick to see Joss Whedon making cameos as Brad's agent.

So if you haven't seen husbands PLEASE give it a try you won't regret it. It is truly great and you can watch both seasons in under and hour, all the episodes are available for free on youtube. To get you started below is the very first episode titled...Waking Up in Vegas...ENJOY!!!!

The second thing is the video for the song Same Love by the Seattle based artists Macklemore and Ryan Lewis which came out earlier this week. This song IS BEAUTIFUL, and it has been making the rounds on the internet for the past few days. I decided to post here in case some of you have missed it. It's a truly gorgeous effort to support Marriage Equality and I just want to share it with as many people as I can...I am grateful for my friend who sent me the link early Wednesday morning, even if he did fail to warn me that I would cry for an hour afterwards!

So far I've watched it a dozen times and cried every single time with how beautiful it is...Watching it I think of the people in my life that I love so much, like the friend who sent this to me,  who still have not walked down the aisle, and I like to think that very soon, it will be so that they  all have the right to stand up with theirt beloved in front of all the their loved ones and say I DO! :O)

Here it is Same Love...ENJOY and SHARE!!

Have a great weekend EVERYONE! 

Dex in Blue by Amy Lane

                                                                        This book was interesting for various reasons:

1. It was not nearly as angsty as I expected it to be, especially as a follow up for Chase in Shadow which was such a hard book.

2. The way that these characters unfolded REALLY surprised me. 

3. Amy Lane once again got the Latino man/culture/family things to a T. I don't know where she is getting her info, but it's really working.


Dex and Kane we knew from CiS...Dex was a leader among the models at Johnnies the gay-for-pay studio him and Kane work for, he's a guy that people can count on. Dex is not really doing scenes anymore, he is directing and pretty much running the business with John(more and more on his own lately since John has developed a bit of a coke problem). 

Dex is in his late twenties and since he came to California nine years ago, running a away from the loss of the love of his life, Johnies has been the closest thing to a family and a home he's had.

Kane is a young guy, from a working class Mexican family and once he was out of high school he decided that doing porn could put the skills in the one thing he could do well to use and at least make some money. He ends up needing to stay at Johnnies, so that he can pay for his little nieces leukemia treatment even though his sister I a fucking bitch and treats him like shit for being a "pervert". Which leads to Kane being kicked out of his own house, so that his bitch sister can get away from her abusive husband...And that's how Kane and Dex end up being roomies. 

Dex has the space and he likes Kane a lot, he's a good guy and on the night that Dex finally puts an ends to his own toxic relationship Kane and Dex start to move things away from friends and more towards lovers.

Their journey is sweet, they give each other a home and companionship, love, support and in true Amy Lane style these men are as FIERCE and RIGHTEOUS for each other. 

When Dex needs him Kane takes on who he has to for Dex to be alright. Dex does the same for Kane. There is also the tribe, Chase, Tommy, Ethan (Book #3!! WOOHOO!)John, Kevin, Donnie, and all the others we knew from CiS who do for each other and well it's a lovely hodge podge reminiscent of our other beloved group from the Central Valley.

This book in many ways is very simple, two men who are alone find a person to love, and who will love them back, and accept them for exactly who they are cracks and all.

I loved them together, completely loved Kane and just really enjoyed their story. I love these tribes that Amy Lane writes ,and I truly delight in getting to know them as well as I do. They feel SO REAL. Visiting with Tommy and Chase and seeing them from another POV was also a treat and I have to say a brilliant move.

All in a all not the emotional roller coaster that I expected, it was mostly a nice walk with two men that have to go through their share of trials to arrive to a happy ending that in my opinion was well worth the patches of bad stuff...I think Dex and Kane would agree.

LOVED....Like always, it's not like it's a surprise or anything.

Dex in Blue is available at Dreamspinner Press